I read a manga with 'rape' content on it. I really guess that's what a person gets if she gives her whole trust to a total stranger. I felt bad for the girl at first but she's strong and I began to like her character.. hehe!

Anyway, as for me, I had been an insane plastic bitch these past few weeks. lolz! Just kidding.. But I think I've been suppressing what I felt about the recent hook up of my new found friend and my long-time crush...I know it was unrequited a long time ago and I told myself many times that I should quit having hopes for him but maybe when you like or even love someone, you do hope that he will and could return the romantic feeling you have for him. But I'm happy for them, of course, (I'm not being hypocrite, 'kay?) because they were both good friends of mine.

I kept smiling and encouraging myself that everything's gonna be okay and that I can move on... It's been months though and it damn hurts alright! I haven't told even my best friend about this...(I have a lot of reasons not to tell her so I kept it all within me.) but one of my close friend, a girl, and a boy whom I made friends with years ago knew about how I felt. I found comfort with them and they gave me advices several times already and I'm really grateful for that.

I don't want to pretend that I'm perfectly fine. I want to cry my eyes out. I want to tell them that I'm not the little girl they used to know, that my thoughts were not as innocent as before and my heart's been crushed. I want them to know how I cried every night for months and I grew from that experience.

But I guess...

I'm just a coward or I'm not simply ready for a change. But!... I'm pretty contented right now because I have friends even though they don't know my dilemma and they make my days worth living. I know I can get over this and I'm not just gonna try, I will recover from this pain.

I think I just need sufficient faith and trust to the Lord and... more understanding? haha! And prayers... yeah I need to pray a lot. hehe!

Oh well, examination's gonna start tomorrow so I need to go.

(^.^)

"how can I ever win your heart when I'm the looser from the start?"

LoUiSe