...

I was watching a T.V drama that night – that night where I heard the line which struck me.

“How can I let go of something I haven’t had in the first place?”

I watched her cry. I watched her tears silently trickle down her pale cheeks. I watched her turn her back to the one she loved. She loved him yet he didn’t have an ounce of feelings for her. Her love was unrequited.

Just like mine.

Then as I tore my gaze on the screen, I felt something hot streaming down my eyes.
I was crying, quietly, again. I tried to speak, but no words came out. My throat was burning. My vision was getting blurry. My heart contracted and I clutched my chest.

I took a glimpse at the picture behind the glass and I grimaced. I stared at it. I stared at him. I thought I was over him. I thought I had moved on but I guess it was just wishful thinking because even up to now…

You still had my heart.

Hell!

I'm an idiot. Idiot for being in love with somebone I shouln't love. I'm a fool. Fool for being a fucking martyr when it comes to sacrifices. I'm unwanted. Unwanted by those people who think I don't know anything. I'm pissed. Pissed by the fact that I still can't control this effin' temper. I'm loosing hope. Loosing hope because I feel like I'm being torned apart, again and again. I'm sickly... sickly to the point that I wish I'd just stop going to school.

I want to cry

I want to scream

I want to pour it all out

But I can't. I just can't. I hope I can find someone who I can confide on... I just keep on hoping. I fucking suck for hoping... I hate you... You know who you are... Get out of my mind... get out of my life...