I was watching a T.V drama that night – that night where I heard the line which struck me.
“How can I let go of something I haven’t had in the first place?”
I watched her cry. I watched her tears silently trickle down her pale cheeks. I watched her turn her back to the one she loved. She loved him yet he didn’t have an ounce of feelings for her. Her love was unrequited.
Just like mine.
Then as I tore my gaze on the screen, I felt something hot streaming down my eyes.
I was crying, quietly, again. I tried to speak, but no words came out. My throat was burning. My vision was getting blurry. My heart contracted and I clutched my chest.
I took a glimpse at the picture behind the glass and I grimaced. I stared at it. I stared at him. I thought I was over him. I thought I had moved on but I guess it was just wishful thinking because even up to now…
You still had my heart.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Hell!
I'm an idiot. Idiot for being in love with somebone I shouln't love. I'm a fool. Fool for being a fucking martyr when it comes to sacrifices. I'm unwanted. Unwanted by those people who think I don't know anything. I'm pissed. Pissed by the fact that I still can't control this effin' temper. I'm loosing hope. Loosing hope because I feel like I'm being torned apart, again and again. I'm sickly... sickly to the point that I wish I'd just stop going to school.
I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to pour it all out
But I can't. I just can't. I hope I can find someone who I can confide on... I just keep on hoping. I fucking suck for hoping... I hate you... You know who you are... Get out of my mind... get out of my life...
I want to cry
I want to scream
I want to pour it all out
But I can't. I just can't. I hope I can find someone who I can confide on... I just keep on hoping. I fucking suck for hoping... I hate you... You know who you are... Get out of my mind... get out of my life...
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Tragedies
THE TRAGEDY
I let out a scream after another thunder struck the now-grumbling ground. My heart hammered loudly in my chest as I instinctively covered my ears with my cold trembling hands. I slowly slid down from the trunk of the tree when the rain started to pour down as if the gates of the heaven were opened and the wind violently slapped my bare skin. I heard the trees rustle and the scurrying of the other living creatures around me but my thoughts began to drift away. Realization struck me as I felt hot, uneven breathing on my neck.
“Ayden!” My eyes widen as I shifted to him. His body was pale, blood soaked his slightly damp shirt and small cuts were visible on his face. How could this happen to us? I mean, he was a native of the Green Route Mountain yet how could his fellow villager betray him? Tears slowly formed in my eyes as guilt started to consume my existence. It was I who forced him to arrange a trip on this certain forest for the information about the ancient ruins that lay here were valuable for my thesis even though he said it was dangerous. It was I who was selfish, inconsiderate, impulsive and irrational. It was my fault that his life was put in stake.
As if reading my thoughts, he softly said: “It’s okay Nahara, no one should be blamed. They detested me ever since I was a child because I’m the Governor’s illegitimate son. I know they want to get rid of me but everything’s going to be fine. The light signal I just made surely alerted the village’s captain. Not all of them like my father anyway, I guess…” Even if he was already beaten, bruised and weakened for he defended me on the assassin who attacked minutes ago, he was still trying to comfort me. He wanted me to stay level-headed, focused and still have my guard up. His hand then reached up for my cheek and gently caressed it. The action somehow made my heart race and brought color to my face despite the raging rain. His eyelids began to droop but I knew he was struggling for his consciousness. My heart tightened with pity and desire that if I could, I’d definitely share his pain. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. I shouldn’t have permitted you to go in the first place but… how can I say no to you?”
‘I should be the one apologizing’ but the words he said puzzled me and made me unable to voice out my apology though seconds later it dawned at me. Ayden was my best friend but I was no frigid, insensitive and innocent girl who wouldn’t notice the implication he meant by that. Blood run up my skin and I flushed despite the cold. “Just rest Ayden… I trust you, okay? If you said help’s going to be here soon, then I won’t worry.” I smiled and gathered him on my arms. He nuzzled on my chest and hoped that my body heat would be able to keep him warm at least, until the medics arrived. He was shivering and I cradled him as if he was a child. “Close your eyes Ayden. I’d be okay. There’s no harm anymore.” I cooed. “The rain’s just annoying.” I chuckled and his tensed shoulders relaxed. I kissed his close lids, brushed away strands of hair from his bleeding temple and rested my chin on top of his head. I could even smell the metallic coppery tang scent of the scarlet liquid that was gushing out of the laceration he acquired. It seemed unbelievable at first that a student like him could take down a hired killer. But he did and I was thankful as well as afraid because of the outcome; blood. I winced at the thought and sight of his bruise-filled body.
The downpour continued on as I close my eyes; I couldn’t bring myself to succumb on the happiness I should feel. I now knew that our feelings were mutual, but the circumstances made me anxious. How could I be capable of thinking such things when we’re still in the hands of a concrete devil? Tiredness then came on me and after minutes of pondering on when would help arrive, I fell asleep.
“Nahara… Wake up… Open your eyes…” A voice that sounded as if it came deep down the earth, called; a voice which belonged to the man I knew so well.
“Is that you Ayd? Are you okay?” I replied but it was odd that all I could see was plain black. “Where are you? Why can’t I see you?!” I was starting to get desperate as I tried to find myself. I felt blinded and tears were brimming in my eyes. “Answer me Ayd…”
“I’m so sorry Nahara but I need to go.”
“Go where?” Goosebumps began to resurface on my skin, though I couldn’t see, I could still feel.
“I’ll always be in your heart when you need me…” I tried to catch what my hands could reach but it was only air. The voice rung all around me and I began to sink into the oblivion, not knowing what to do. Then the voice started to fade until all I could hear were my own pleads and sobs then for so many times that day, everything stilled and there’s only one thing left; silence.
I was startled and as I open my eyes, the morning light greeted me accompanied by an eerie cold gush of wind. When I remembered the events of the previous night, I moved then stiffened. Ayden’s head fell on my lap and as I bent down, tears strolled down my cheeks. He was cold as ice, skin was pale that it appeared almost transparent and pulse, I heard not a single beat. I found myself shaking in terror and tightly hugging him. My heart was torn into intangible pieces and the pain in my chest never ceased. Then I heard footsteps approaching and I knew they were the rescuers. But it was too late. They were too late to save Ayden’s life. And before they could find us, my head throbbed, my vision blurred and I felt as if my soul was severed from my body.
‘Ayden…’ I thought then finally, I let the darkness carry away my sanity.
END
This is my work for our English class. Sigh... I had a hard time on this one since I really am not comfortable writing a short story. Errr.. In MS Word, this is 2 pages with double spacing work (because it should be 'double space'>.<) but I'm glad to know that I am capable of writing one. ^^
Anyway, my friends noticed that I like making stories with tragic endings and they keep on teasing me about that. Well, I just strongly believe that not all of us can have a 'happily ever after'. I'm just being realistic. >.<
Oopz! Got to go! Mama's been annoyed at me since this afternoon so I better not keep her waiting..
Ja!
^^
_esiuol_
"Why's everything so out of place today?"
I let out a scream after another thunder struck the now-grumbling ground. My heart hammered loudly in my chest as I instinctively covered my ears with my cold trembling hands. I slowly slid down from the trunk of the tree when the rain started to pour down as if the gates of the heaven were opened and the wind violently slapped my bare skin. I heard the trees rustle and the scurrying of the other living creatures around me but my thoughts began to drift away. Realization struck me as I felt hot, uneven breathing on my neck.
“Ayden!” My eyes widen as I shifted to him. His body was pale, blood soaked his slightly damp shirt and small cuts were visible on his face. How could this happen to us? I mean, he was a native of the Green Route Mountain yet how could his fellow villager betray him? Tears slowly formed in my eyes as guilt started to consume my existence. It was I who forced him to arrange a trip on this certain forest for the information about the ancient ruins that lay here were valuable for my thesis even though he said it was dangerous. It was I who was selfish, inconsiderate, impulsive and irrational. It was my fault that his life was put in stake.
As if reading my thoughts, he softly said: “It’s okay Nahara, no one should be blamed. They detested me ever since I was a child because I’m the Governor’s illegitimate son. I know they want to get rid of me but everything’s going to be fine. The light signal I just made surely alerted the village’s captain. Not all of them like my father anyway, I guess…” Even if he was already beaten, bruised and weakened for he defended me on the assassin who attacked minutes ago, he was still trying to comfort me. He wanted me to stay level-headed, focused and still have my guard up. His hand then reached up for my cheek and gently caressed it. The action somehow made my heart race and brought color to my face despite the raging rain. His eyelids began to droop but I knew he was struggling for his consciousness. My heart tightened with pity and desire that if I could, I’d definitely share his pain. “I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. I shouldn’t have permitted you to go in the first place but… how can I say no to you?”
‘I should be the one apologizing’ but the words he said puzzled me and made me unable to voice out my apology though seconds later it dawned at me. Ayden was my best friend but I was no frigid, insensitive and innocent girl who wouldn’t notice the implication he meant by that. Blood run up my skin and I flushed despite the cold. “Just rest Ayden… I trust you, okay? If you said help’s going to be here soon, then I won’t worry.” I smiled and gathered him on my arms. He nuzzled on my chest and hoped that my body heat would be able to keep him warm at least, until the medics arrived. He was shivering and I cradled him as if he was a child. “Close your eyes Ayden. I’d be okay. There’s no harm anymore.” I cooed. “The rain’s just annoying.” I chuckled and his tensed shoulders relaxed. I kissed his close lids, brushed away strands of hair from his bleeding temple and rested my chin on top of his head. I could even smell the metallic coppery tang scent of the scarlet liquid that was gushing out of the laceration he acquired. It seemed unbelievable at first that a student like him could take down a hired killer. But he did and I was thankful as well as afraid because of the outcome; blood. I winced at the thought and sight of his bruise-filled body.
The downpour continued on as I close my eyes; I couldn’t bring myself to succumb on the happiness I should feel. I now knew that our feelings were mutual, but the circumstances made me anxious. How could I be capable of thinking such things when we’re still in the hands of a concrete devil? Tiredness then came on me and after minutes of pondering on when would help arrive, I fell asleep.
“Nahara… Wake up… Open your eyes…” A voice that sounded as if it came deep down the earth, called; a voice which belonged to the man I knew so well.
“Is that you Ayd? Are you okay?” I replied but it was odd that all I could see was plain black. “Where are you? Why can’t I see you?!” I was starting to get desperate as I tried to find myself. I felt blinded and tears were brimming in my eyes. “Answer me Ayd…”
“I’m so sorry Nahara but I need to go.”
“Go where?” Goosebumps began to resurface on my skin, though I couldn’t see, I could still feel.
“I’ll always be in your heart when you need me…” I tried to catch what my hands could reach but it was only air. The voice rung all around me and I began to sink into the oblivion, not knowing what to do. Then the voice started to fade until all I could hear were my own pleads and sobs then for so many times that day, everything stilled and there’s only one thing left; silence.
I was startled and as I open my eyes, the morning light greeted me accompanied by an eerie cold gush of wind. When I remembered the events of the previous night, I moved then stiffened. Ayden’s head fell on my lap and as I bent down, tears strolled down my cheeks. He was cold as ice, skin was pale that it appeared almost transparent and pulse, I heard not a single beat. I found myself shaking in terror and tightly hugging him. My heart was torn into intangible pieces and the pain in my chest never ceased. Then I heard footsteps approaching and I knew they were the rescuers. But it was too late. They were too late to save Ayden’s life. And before they could find us, my head throbbed, my vision blurred and I felt as if my soul was severed from my body.
‘Ayden…’ I thought then finally, I let the darkness carry away my sanity.
END
This is my work for our English class. Sigh... I had a hard time on this one since I really am not comfortable writing a short story. Errr.. In MS Word, this is 2 pages with double spacing work (because it should be 'double space'>.<) but I'm glad to know that I am capable of writing one. ^^
Anyway, my friends noticed that I like making stories with tragic endings and they keep on teasing me about that. Well, I just strongly believe that not all of us can have a 'happily ever after'. I'm just being realistic. >.<
Oopz! Got to go! Mama's been annoyed at me since this afternoon so I better not keep her waiting..
Ja!
^^
_esiuol_
"Why's everything so out of place today?"
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
When Pessimism Overtakes
As I sat in bed all alone, tears threatened to betray me. I bit my lower lip and hugged my shaking self, wrapping my arms on my body. Rocking back and forth, I tried to calm down and told myself words. Words of encouragement. Words that I though could help. But no, words weren't just enough. Those words left me hanging.
They left me hanging. All the things that came from their treacherous lips were hollow lies, filled with pretense and honey-coated damned promises.
Promises. Oh how they loved breaking their every word. They thought I hadn't known their inconspicuous plans and backstabbing. How could I ever trust them? Even told them my secrets? I was naive but naivety shouldn't be an excuse. Why could such stupidity exist inside me? Why should I always be the victim of such users?
Users. Those kind of people loiters around like garbage. And me, I was gullible and that was my mistake. They knew what my situation was; my parents had divorce yet instead of consoling me they took advantage of my weak state. How could they call themselves friends?!
Friends. Friendship. How simple it was to say: 'Let's be friends!' but how could I ever say that now if the so-called friendship scarred me? The very existence of that friendship was the reason I died. Dead in a sense that I couldn't feel any warmth. Every thing seemed so cold, so sleek that I always end up eating dust. Everyday passed passed by a heart achingly slow manner that I couldn't barely contain the feeling of dread. The thought of enduring another hour filled with anger and so much hatred was deliberately killing me.
Kill. If one look could inflict pain and could get one's life I would definitely glare at those who made me feel this way. But I was too weak, too drained to think anymore. My mind, unfortunately, contradicted and wouldn't stop its motions. All those bitter memories came crashing down as I finally gave in.
Giving in to this emotion, I felt betrayed. I was betrayed and even though I kept on denying it, I was scared. Really scared.
Then a stream of hot liquid strolled down my cheeks as my head touched the soft scented pillow.
I cried.
FINISH
Note: Pessimistic much? haha. Em pretty down tonigh so I wrote this... not that I have problems with my friends! O.o! I love them to bits! : D I'm just kind of pissed because of... ugh. Never mind.
^^
Louise
They left me hanging. All the things that came from their treacherous lips were hollow lies, filled with pretense and honey-coated damned promises.
Promises. Oh how they loved breaking their every word. They thought I hadn't known their inconspicuous plans and backstabbing. How could I ever trust them? Even told them my secrets? I was naive but naivety shouldn't be an excuse. Why could such stupidity exist inside me? Why should I always be the victim of such users?
Users. Those kind of people loiters around like garbage. And me, I was gullible and that was my mistake. They knew what my situation was; my parents had divorce yet instead of consoling me they took advantage of my weak state. How could they call themselves friends?!
Friends. Friendship. How simple it was to say: 'Let's be friends!' but how could I ever say that now if the so-called friendship scarred me? The very existence of that friendship was the reason I died. Dead in a sense that I couldn't feel any warmth. Every thing seemed so cold, so sleek that I always end up eating dust. Everyday passed passed by a heart achingly slow manner that I couldn't barely contain the feeling of dread. The thought of enduring another hour filled with anger and so much hatred was deliberately killing me.
Kill. If one look could inflict pain and could get one's life I would definitely glare at those who made me feel this way. But I was too weak, too drained to think anymore. My mind, unfortunately, contradicted and wouldn't stop its motions. All those bitter memories came crashing down as I finally gave in.
Giving in to this emotion, I felt betrayed. I was betrayed and even though I kept on denying it, I was scared. Really scared.
Then a stream of hot liquid strolled down my cheeks as my head touched the soft scented pillow.
I cried.
FINISH
Note: Pessimistic much? haha. Em pretty down tonigh so I wrote this... not that I have problems with my friends! O.o! I love them to bits! : D I'm just kind of pissed because of... ugh. Never mind.
^^
Louise
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Whatta Day!
Sigh... It's almost 12 in the midnight! haha! And gawd I feel so tired... I'm not using my glasses. That's the reason why my head is aching like a nail being hammered furiously on this senseless brain of mine. Or maybe that's what I am convincing myself to believe.
Man! The day never seemed to end when I was in school this morning... till afternoon actually. I was late. (I really am not an early-riser! ) First thing in the morning after I arrived, panting like a thirsty rabid dog, I learned that...
"Louise! Practice! Hurry up!"
Jesus! So hell yeah I put on a smile and started burning fats.
Fast Forward...
We had TESTS afterward! Argh!! My head started to spin like I was in a ferris wheel... (I don't like riding a FERRIS WHEEL!) and my friends and I haven't had the chance to chat before going home. Em so disappointed!
...
So here I am typing randomly on this blog. Saying what's on my mind so yeah random random stuffs. What comes on my head... pooof! There it goes... Oh! I am getting on my momi's nerves so gotta go.
Ja! G'night!
-Trinity Blood The Best-
Man! The day never seemed to end when I was in school this morning... till afternoon actually. I was late. (I really am not an early-riser! ) First thing in the morning after I arrived, panting like a thirsty rabid dog, I learned that...
"Louise! Practice! Hurry up!"
Jesus! So hell yeah I put on a smile and started burning fats.
Fast Forward...
We had TESTS afterward! Argh!! My head started to spin like I was in a ferris wheel... (I don't like riding a FERRIS WHEEL!) and my friends and I haven't had the chance to chat before going home. Em so disappointed!
...
So here I am typing randomly on this blog. Saying what's on my mind so yeah random random stuffs. What comes on my head... pooof! There it goes... Oh! I am getting on my momi's nerves so gotta go.
Ja! G'night!
-Trinity Blood The Best-
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Paalam Cory...
Cory Aquino. That name would be forever remembered. I'm currently watching the mass held for her and gawd.. I was teary-eyed! Of course I wasn't born when she was still the president and brought back the democracy on the country but the sincerity and love of the people... it was.. just so overwhelming. :( She was really one-of-a-kind.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Quotes About Love (got it from... forgot the site.)
"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."
- Mother Teresa
"Anyone can catch your eyes, but it takes someone special to catch your heart."
-Unknown Author
"The simple lack of her is more to me than other's presence." Edward Thomas
"We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until the first attack."
-Marie Ebner Von Eschenback
"Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved."
-Christopher Paul Rubero
(Also posted on tagged.)
The first quote was the one who really inspired me on making another ONESHOT and then... it evolved into a series of oneshots! hahaha! XD Wew! Exams are already coming! It's on Monday! Wohoo! Em pretty excited... not because of our examinations but it's because me and my cousins are going to watch Harry Potter on Sunday. O.O!
(I'm talking too fast again. Oh well...)
...
- Mother Teresa
"Anyone can catch your eyes, but it takes someone special to catch your heart."
-Unknown Author
"The simple lack of her is more to me than other's presence." Edward Thomas
"We don't believe in rheumatism and true love until the first attack."
-Marie Ebner Von Eschenback
"Poetry spills from the cracks of a broken heart, but flows from one which is loved."
-Christopher Paul Rubero
(Also posted on tagged.)
The first quote was the one who really inspired me on making another ONESHOT and then... it evolved into a series of oneshots! hahaha! XD Wew! Exams are already coming! It's on Monday! Wohoo! Em pretty excited... not because of our examinations but it's because me and my cousins are going to watch Harry Potter on Sunday. O.O!
(I'm talking too fast again. Oh well...)
...
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